Salutations, Sun.

I started doing yoga again today. I haven't done it in a while. It was nice to stretch out and do sun salutations today. I'm pretty much going to start slow since it's been so long since I've done much exercising. I'll start with sun salutations for a week or so and then get started doing yoga again. I'd really like to start walking again but it's so freakin hot here... :( Tomorrow is supposed to be 96 degrees. (bleh)

Either way I'm pretty excited to have set up a routine for myself for the next couple of weeks. For the next week or two I'm getting up at 8am and starting my day with yoga, shower, breakfast, etc.  Then from 10-12 I'll be looking for work some more. From 12-2 I've taken for lunch (facebook/video games/whatever). From 2-4 I'm working on my internships to finish them. From 4-6 I'm working on art projects and my website. From 6-8 is dinner time with the family. From 8-10 I have set aside time for myself to continue work on internships, art projects, and the website. From 10-12 I should be getting ready for bed and attempting to sleep somewhat early since the plan is to get up early. Everything starts tomorrow! I'm excited to be on a routine again.

Panic and Organization

Well, I'm almost done unpacking. My room is still a bit disorganized but it's coming along I'd say. I should take pictures to post! (If only I had a working camera..) All of my art supplies are organized into tiny storage bins by category (cutting tools, adhesives, painting supplies, inking and block printing supplies, jewelry supplies, and sadly I need one all to itself for glitter)  All in all the unpacking is going ok. I'm starting to panic a bit about finding work. I've been applying all over the place but so far I've not heard anything from anyone yet.

I've also got so much to do this summer that I'm not sure where I'll find the time to do it!  I am, however, thoroughly excited about finding work and such. I'm really hopeful about the residence life positions I've applied for!  I'd really like to work in Res Life for a while, even if only for a few years to get my masters degree!  As the summer sets in I've started work on a new art project as well. (Make that a couple of new art projects.) I've been trying to come up with ideas for children's books but so far I'm drawing a blank. So far, though, my to-do list seems to be getting longer rather than shorter :(

I still have some internship work to finish up as well in the next week or two. Hopefully I manage to get it all done!

Graduation, Moving, and Unpacking

Two days before graduation, Cathlene and I got together to make barefoot sandals and decided to wear them when we graduate. That's right folks, we graduated barefoot, in honor of St. Francis who gave up all his possessions to follow God. During rehearsal Cathlene, Eric, and I were asked if we wanted to sit with the class or sit with the choir. Obviously we sat with the choir. All of our friends are in the choir.

So, the day came, and we marched in with our class and straight over to the choir. As I stood there, I realized that my mom was also sitting with the choir, complements of Katelyn. She went to tell Isaac and mom that there were a few extra choir seats and so, at my graduation, I got to sit next to my mom! How many  people can say that?! We sang the National Anthem, River in Judea, the Alma Mater, and closed, as always, with The Lord Bless You and Keep You. Our keynote speaker was none other than James Patterson, the author! It was so exciting. He was such a good speaker. I was a little upset, though, that our department didn't call out our honors! It was in print, though, I suppose. I graduated Summa Cum Laude, Honors Scholar, and with an Outstanding Achievement Award in Art! All in all I was pretty happy about graduation.

In the end, though, graduation for me meant saying goodbye. Eric and Isaac wrote me very touching letters and I must have cried enough for three people when I said goodbye. Nasreen gave a very touching speech at our "post-graduation dinner" at Eros Cafe. When I went back to the dorms later that night I went out for a drink with a Joey and Chihae since I was no longer technically a student. When I finally settled in for the night I started packing and that's when it hit me. I wasn't coming back to Felician next year. All of my friends have contacted me on facebook but it's really not the same is it? I know this is an important turning point in my life, but mostly I just miss them. I miss being able to walk over to Raven's room and hang out. I miss calling up Isaac and hanging out with him. I miss being able to walk to Eros or G-Town. I miss everything so much. In the end, though, the plain truth is that as much as I love my friends, and loved Felician.... I hate New Jersey. It's too busy there for me. I'm sad to see it all end but I'm excited to move onto the next part of my life.

Monday, the day after graduation, mom and I packed all my stuff into her SUV (it barely fit everything) and headed off to Kentucky to spend a night at Uncle Ed's house before moving on to Georgia. It was nearly 2:00pm before we finally got on the road. We had a long talk on the way there about the past, the present, and life after college. It was a long trip, though, and by the end of it we were both exhausted. We didn't arrive in KY until 4:30 a.m.  and even then neither of us could sleep due to the large amounts of caffiene we drank simply to stay awake. The next day we hung around Uncle Ed's house and then the following day (Wednesday) we set off for home in separate cars because I now possess Uncle Ed's old Blazer! (I LOVE IT!) At least we moved half of the stuff from mom's car to mine so that she could use her rear-view mirror. We arrived in Villa Rica around 3 or 4 and had dinner with mom's friend Judy and her husband Butch who were both very nice. The food at that mexican restaurant kinda sucked though. All in all by the time we got home at 5ish and I got my computer set up and my room arranged and started unpacking, I was flat out exhausted.

And now this leaves me searching for jobs and hoping like hell I get one. I'm pretty excited about working though. I'm burned out from school and I need a break!

Anyway, time to get my day started. I'm off to have lunch with my mom and aunt.

God Bless.

Busy Bee

Just got done dying my hair. Can't see what color it is because it's dark and a friend is sleeping on my bed. It's pretty late but I just felt like getting some thoughts out there.  It's been a stressful and busy few weeks. My senior show is on Monday. Installation is on Sunday. Thursday, Friday, and Saturday I have Felician Live performances. As my senior year is nearing it's close I'm starting to get pretty nervous, and also a little sad. I'm going to miss people that I've met here. It will be weird leaving them all behind and not seeing them on a daily or weekly basis. 

I think I'm mostly ready to move on, with one exception. Have you ever noticed how hard it is to move past old relationships sometimes? I've had relationships that, when they ended, I wasn't happy they were over but I got over it fast. There is one, though, that I just can't seem to get over. I try and try, and I tell myself that the next time I see him maybe my heart won't leap out of my chest but it always does. I always tell myself I won't cry when we hang out and then he leaves, but I always do. I tell myself every morning when I wake up thinking of him that it's better for both of us this way, but I don't really believe it. I tell myself every night when he's the last thing on my mind before sleep that everything will be ok, but I sometimes wonder if it won't. I wonder if he was my soul mate and I was too stupid at the time to realize it. I've never had a relationship like this that I simply couldn't get over before. I keep hanging on and to this day I hope he'll change his mind. I know I should just try to move on but no matter what I do he's there.  His best friend told me that the most valuable lesson is to learn how to get over it, but what I really don't understand is why I can't.  Do I just not know myself well enough to  figure it out? Do I not understand myself enough? Will I ever understand myself enough? Is it that I don't want to let go of it?

Why can't I let go of this?  It causes me so much pain, but at the same time some weird sort of pleasure. I hope that he will be happy, even if it's not with me, but the thought of him with somebody else still cuts me like a knife. It's been a little over a year. How long will this last? Maybe it will get easier when I go home? I hope so.

Been a While

It's been a while since I posted. I've been kind of busy with my Undergraduate Thesis, Anonymous Letters from the Brokenhearted."

A lot seems to be going on. I've been spending more time with my RA friend, Raven, & my ex-boyfriend, Angel. This past weekend the three of us plus one of Angel's friends, Ryan, (whose name I just typo'd as Rtam) went to the movies to see Hall Pass. I thought it was "ok." It was funny but not as funny as Just Go With It, but then again I love Adam Sandler. After the movie we went to Eros Cafe' & smoked strawberry hookah and had cappuccinos and told interesting and everyone had an amusing story to tell. After dropping Eric back off at Milton Hall, we headed off for Wallington Lanes. There was a 30-45 minute wait there so we decided to call Lodi Lanes and find out if they had lanes available. They did, so we went. We bowled two games during which I both secretly and outwardly hoped like hell that SOMEONE would beat Raven since she always wins. Ryan seemed to be our only real hope but he dropped the ball - figuratively speaking. (Thankfully he didn't actually drop the bowling ball).

After our adventures in bowling, hookah, and movie watching we went back to the residence halls (Milton Hall to be precise since they moved me from Elliott to Milton on Saturday). We hung out for a couple of hours listening to Ryan play the guitar and just generally having discussion. At 2 am they left and went back to Angel's house.

Classes are sort of stressing me out a bit. I've got the worst case of senioritis. I don't feel like doing anything. I keep doing my work but I don't FEEL like doing my work. My Senior Seminar class, which should be fun, isn't. Maybe it isn't really senioritis at all. Maybe by the time we hit our senior years we're just burned out from all the work and the social drama?

RA Stuff

Let's see.... At the beginning of the semester in December they moved me from Milton Hall to Elliott Terrace into the towers to be an RA to the 31 International students from Korea that were only going to be there for a couple of months. They left a few weeks ago and now they've decided I should move back into Milton Hall, which we did last Saturday before the Hall Pass/hookah/bowling extravaganza. Thankfully this time it took about an hour and a half because I had 5 or 6 people helping me. Last time it took Raven and I about a day and a half just to get all my crap moved. Amazing what having some help will do for you.

RA stuff has been kind of tame lately it seems. Spring Break is next week and I volunteered to be here all through it so that I could perhaps earn a little cash. (Also worth mentioning about Spring Break - I don't have anything better to do) Hopefully this won't be something I regret. At least most of the American students will be gone home. Usually it's just international students that stay here over spring break as far as I know (perhaps some athletes).

Tomorrow I have plans to hang out with Eric and Isaac and geek out a bit. We're going to Barnes & Noble to read some comics, possibly to Target to buy Plants vs. Zombies, and maybe to see True Grit, which all of us have wanted to see but haven't seen yet.

This upcoming weekend I might be going to see The King's Speech (finally) if that pans out, with Angel, Raven, & Ryan and anybody else that might come.

For now I think it might be bedtime. I need sleep.

Anonymous Letters from the Brokenhearted

Dear friends,

I'm not sure if anyone actually reads this, but I thought I'd give it a shot anyway. I'm working on an art project. I want people to write letters to the people that have broken their hearts and email them to me at anonymous_letters@live.com

All of us have something to say to the people that have hurt us, or even people that we hurt... Here's your chance to say it, and say it anonymously.

If you choose to participate, it implies that you are willing to let me publish your letter into a book, because this is a book project.

Thanks if you participate!

The Midnight Run

Last night around 8:00 pm, I gathered at the Rutherford Campus chapel along with about 13 other students to help with the Midnight Run. Some faces were familiar, some were not, but I'd like to discuss the event because it left such a lasting impression on me. The 14 of us spent two hours sorting through clothes, making sandwiches / snack bags, and loading everything onto a Felician College shuttle. After everything seemed to be in place we piled onto the shuttle bus and headed off to New York City to give away clothing, food, shoes, and toiletries to the homeless.

Our first two stops only had two or three people, but our third, and final stop of the evening had several. We piled off the shuttle taking boxes of toiletries, and coolers of hot coffee and homemade turkey noodle soup, and grape juice. People lined up outside the shuttle for clothing, socks, underwear, and shoes. Three people (+ Father Tom) stayed on the shuttle to hand out goods. The rest of us talked to the people to find out what they needed. I, along with Penny - another RA, helped dole out soup into cups for people. I must have given out 80 cups of soup and people kept coming back for more. It was a cold rainy night. I'm sure the coffee and soup helped keep people warm.

What amazed me most about the experience is that, honestly, most of the people only took what they needed. If they had good shoes on, they didn't ask for shoes. The other thing I noticed, since I was on soup detail, was that a lot of people only wanted a half a cup. I asked them why and they said they could only eat a half a cup. The comment reminded me of a story I read about Jewish people that were liberated from the concentration camps: when a person has had very little, or barely nourishing food for long periods of time, food in large quantities can make you quite ill. The entire event left me feeling a little warm and fuzzy inside because I really feel like I did something to help somebody. Maybe it wasn't a lasting impression. Maybe those people won't remember me, but it doesn't matter. The important thing is that they remember that somebody was kind to them when they were down on their luck.

When I got back to campus last night, I sat down outside the dorms at the top of the stairs. I tried to imagine what it would be like to not be able to go in. Sure I was sheltered from the rain and it was cold. I imagined what it would be like to have to sleep out there on the ground. I sat there for about thirty minutes until I just absolutely couldn't sit there anymore. Thankfully I have the luxury of a warm bed and blankets, and won't be sleeping at the top of the stairs in front of some church in New York City tonight. My heart and prayers go out to those who are, though.